FIVE HOT TIPS FOR HOW TO SURVIVE THE PURGE

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When James DeMonaco’s The Purge (2013) first appeared on the scene, few people probably predicted that it would be followed up by three subsequent films, a television series, and a bizarrely active fandom. Is it a brilliant franchise? No, not really. However, it is one of those horror-dystopian stories that succeeds because it causes us to think both this is absolutely ridiculous AND this could actually happen at once.

It unabashedly tackles matters of class, race, gender, and existing power structures, and while watching it, you can’t help but think either I’d die or I’d be fine. There is an unfair inevitability to the game that The Purge plays, but that doesn’t mean you can’t fight back. Accordingly, as The Purge commences and all crime becomes legal from 7:00 the evening of March 21 to 7:00 the morning of March 22, here are five hot tips to help you survive.

1. Be Rich/Know Rich People.

Arguably, if there is anything that The Purge demonstrates, it’s that it’s nice to be rich. Pros: the rich can afford the best defense security, the best weapons, and the best resources. Cons: The rich can’t be trusted.

2. Win An Election and Advocate An Anti-Purge Campaign.

Say you’re not a fan of the event and want to ban it, well then winning an election might be your best shot and bringing about some change. Pros: You have a chance to stop an annual horrendous murder-fest from happening. Cons: You now have a giant (and I mean GIANT) target on your back, so you better be the richest person alive.

3. Finally Take That Overseas Trip.

Always wanted to go to London, Paris, Amsterdam? Now is the time. Remember, America is the only place in which The Purge takes place (because, of course it is), so get out while you can. Pros: Checking that dream trip off the bucket list. Cons: Trips are expensive and not super duper fun when fueled by fear.

4. Avoid Masked People/Murder Tourists.

Each of the films in this franchise features people with masks and elaborate costumes. Say you can’t leave America, well let it be known that these people should be avoided at all costs. Pros: People in masks want to kill you, so they are easy to spot. Cons: Those masks look pretty dope though, so you might be tempted to say “HI” or don one yourself.

5. Latch On To A Frank Grillo/Leo Barnes character.

Don’t want to compromise your values and befriend a bunch of rich people or join the Purge party? Don’t have the resources to leave America? Don’t have the intellect to avoid the bad guys? That is OK because chances are there is a Frank Grillo/Leo Barnes character in your neighborhood who has been training their whole life for this moment. Find them. Latch on. Don’t let go.